These are the Days

Sometimes I feel a little lost out here. I find myself wondering if the chances I've taken, the decisions I've made, and path I've chosen will lead me to where I want to be. There are days when I find myself questioning myself and wondering if it will ever be worth it. Only in those moments do I feel fear, fear of not knowing where I will end up. After the moment has passed by I take a deep breath and realize that my drive and determination will take me as far as I want to go. I realize that I have nothing to fear. I realize that I’ll be just fine, I push on knowing that that moment only serves to remind me that I am in control of the journey I’m on and it will end up wherever I decide it should end.

B(last o)ff on a Smokey Robot(ic)

Had a conversation with a good friend yesterday and after thinking about what we discussed I realize that I didn't know ME anymore. I am not who I thought I was and I think that this has led to me feeling out of sorts.

I've been feeling lost and adrift but now I know exactly why and I know how to move past it and get back on track.

Feels like I'm waking from a fog. My head is clearing and now I am planning and plotting to achieve all of the things I want to accomplish. I forgot myself for a moment but I am back. I've only got myself to count on and there is no way I will let me down. Others may do so over and over but I won't. I've chosen a lonely road for myself but it will be worth it in the end.

Are you a man or are you a Schnitzel?

Yesterday marked four weeks since I got into my care and drove west to the Golden State. It is definitely exciting to have done it but there are moments when I wonder if it was the right decision. This past week has been stressful as hell and the fact that all of my friends and family are 2700 miles away hasn't helped. I've felt lonely at different points in my life but never alone before. Guess I am not as inhuman as I thought. There is so much that I need to figure out right now. On top of all of this I truly think that I might just be falling in love. Ridiculous right? Well if you knew me you would realize how ridiculous this is. What are ya gonna do though, the heart wants what it wants. Gonna try and get some sleep so guess I'll stop rambling for a while.

Missed opportunity

So after driving 2700 miles to a new home I've come to realize that I might just be head over heals. Crazy to me this is but I don't know what else it could be. Anyone who knows me will tell you that my interest in any particular girl is fleeting. In this case though there is no denying that I've developed some pretty strong feelings. No one has ever had this strong of an impact on me. It's gotten to the point where I find myself thinking about her even when I'm talking to another girl. Wtf man, miss when life was super simple.

New Music Seminar 2012 Day 2

Planned on writing this post last night but I passed out as soon as I got to the hotel so that didn't happen. Yesterday was day 2 of NMS2012 and it was so much easier than day 1, I had a much later start to my day and didn't have to worry

New Music Seminar Day 1 in NYC

This week I am in NYC with two of my friends volunteering at the New Music Seminar. Day 1 was a very exhausting day. I came here expecting that I would have to work but I didn't expect the amount of hard physical labor that I would have to do. We arrived to start the day at 10 AM and from that point until 6 PM and then intermittently until 1 AM I was constantly loading boxes and equipment in and out of Webster music hall where everything is taking place. What was difficult was not the labor itself but rather having to carry so much equipment up and down multiple flights of stairs. Adding to the misery is the fact that I couldn't sleep the night before and ended up with less than 2 hours of sleep. By the time we left Webster Hall to catch the PATH train to Jersey to go to our hotel my body was beginning to shutdown on me and only a hot soothing shower would do the trick and allow me some relief from the muscle soreness.

Luckily day 2 doesn't start quite as early and should be a much easier day. We shall see how it turns out.


New Music Seminar 2012

Second time around

This morning I decided that I wanted to start writing a blog again. I made the choice to delete all of my previous posts, which hadn't been updated in over a year, and start fresh. my blog used to be a kind of therapy for me and that is just what I need in my life right now. I am going to force myself to get in the habit of writing at least 1 post per week to get back into writing regularly.